So this essay is for that girl who went out of her way to be vulnerable in front of so many people, to whom I gave such a shitty, unhelpful response. Because then why am I even speaking on panels in the first place? And everyone had been fine with it.Īnd that really sucks. Were you in that?' She just wanted me to give her practical advice, and I answered in a way that was technically true but did not offer a lot of insight. She didn't want a selfie or for me to read her script, or to call her cousin's friend who loved The Office so she could tell me, 'No, I loved Office Space. This girl had done a lot to summon up the courage to ask a question, and she didn't even want anything in return other than my honest answer. People seem mollified, but who knows? Maybe they are tuning me out too.Īs I watched her walk back to her seat, a wave of guilty regret hit me. I open my mouth and glib phrases like 'supportive parents' and 'strong sense of self' leak out. I could be leafing through a copy of American Way as I speak. Talking about confidence has become, to me, like listening to the flight attendant go through the in-flight passenger safety announcements. When I get asked the same question over and over for years, the words of my answer begin to lose their meaning, even for me. I wish I had a better answer for you.' I wished her good luck, and she nodded politely and said thank you. I think it's from my parents always telling me I could do anything.

My tiredness betrayed me, and I think I said something like: 'Wow, I don't know.

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